I’ve come closer to using something to alter my state of mind during the last few days than I like. At times these temptations and urges are so strong. They are so intense it is extremely hard to resist. I’m sure this will continue for the rest of my life.

Those of you who have never had the issue of addiction will likely never understand exactly how these issues continuously play out in our minds. You may never understand the struggle that we deal with every day. You may see it in someone you know and love through your eyes, but that’s it. I can not speak for every addict out there, but for me I can speak volumes of how I fight this disease everyday.

I am sure, however, that most addicts can relate to almost everything I write. You see, I have many days when I may think of using something I am very addicted to only a few times a day. On these days I can only thank Christ himself for such minimal temptations. Most days in my life though are filled with hundreds of moments when I think of using again. Seventeen years of using many different substances has rewired my brain to randomly and automatically fire with thoughts of needing this drug or that.

You see, I meditate and pray. I am often in constant prayer on many issues including healing from addiction for myself, well being and happiness for all my family, friends and enemies. In the end though, this is my cross to bear in life on this earth. So, I will bare it with the utmost respect for what it can do and what it always leads to.

I hear some say that if it was them, and they saw it was causing a problem for them ,they would put it down and never touch it again… I can not help but laugh at their very statement. I along with every other addict I have ever talked with on the subject will tell you it is not that easy. If it were, none of us would likely be addicts in the first place.

A person who becomes an addict likely didn’t see it coming until it was too late. Same goes for anyone with an addiction to anything. If you’re addicted to cigarettes, coffee or that soda you’re drinking on, I’ll bet that you never saw that addiction coming. That television you can’t get away from, that bag of chips you cannot put down, and even that gossip you cannot quit doing. These are all addictions. If we are all honest with ourselves we all have addiction to something. It may or may not be a harmful addiction, but an addiction it is. For myself, I have a very dangerous addiction. This addiction is not only dangerous to myself, but to everyone in the community as well.

You can take anything that you’re addicted to and multiply it by a thousand and it will still never compare to how these chemicals have altered not only my brain, but the brains of all drug addicts. I have other addictions. So I know a little something about some of those as well. But there is nothing that I was ever addicted to which can even come close to the intensity of my drug addiction. If there were such a thing as a PhD. in direct drug addiction, I have the experience of more than two eight year doctorate degrees in it. I still don’t have many of the answers.

This road doesn’t get easy just because I don’t use. I’ve been in prisons and jails many times in my life. I often think that if I took the path again which lead me back to one of these places I would still be taking the easier way. Because it’s easy to use out here, it’s really easy to not use while in these places. Out here on the streets, it’s extremely hard. Out here I have to monitor everything I do as to make sure it doesn’t lead me a step closer to feeding this addiction. I’m telling you it’s a constant fight.

The main point I am attempting to relay in today’s article is simply this; I am clean today. At my weakest hour, I chose to let go completely and let Christ take the reigns. I have the one who is called I AM, helping me. I am in constant contact with the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end He is doing the things for me that I cannot do for myself. Now I have this all powerful, all loving presence with me throughout each day.

I firmly believe in the all mighty power of Jesus Christ and His crucifixion on the cross, and I do, and I’m still sitting here telling you that this life of addiction is an intensely hard life? Then, you might want to believe it and take another route in life while you can.

So again I ask, do you quietly think getting high or trying an addictive substance in hopes of escaping present circumstances is the answer? Do you ever feel like no one cares or that you aren’t important enough for it to matter what you do? I’m telling you that you are very important. I genuinely do care for you and the ability you have to be different and chose the higher road. You are important, you do matter and you are definitely loved. Please don’t get high. It might be the last thing you ever do. It may destroy everything you touch and care for. It may destroy you.

I hope and pray for addicts to find peace and calm, and at least try what has worked for me today. When you cannot continue to fight, when you are ready to throw up your hands and give up, and when you are at the point of grabbing that needle or straw in despair, take a moment; make a choice to turn it completely over to Christ. You might be amazed. You may very well find yourself being carried for a while.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee