An Addict's Corner …

Posted November 29, 2017 at 9:26 am

I’m willing to bet that if you ask any addict who has truly recovered, would they willingly go back out there, and try it again. The answer would be No, because they know that there is not only a so- called rock bottom they have hit before, but that rock bottom has a basement, a trap door, a dark tunnel and even a dungeon like cellar. Most of us have tried to quit using drugs or drinking many times. Many of us have even been successful for a spell. But all of us know that it wasn’t by our own will that we were or are successful, even still, today.

We know we must keep in direct contact with our higher power. Most of us will willingly admit that if we do fall it isn’t because our higher power let go. It’s that we simply let go and in someway failed in our direct connection with our higher power, itself. So we haven’t really hit the very end of the road yet, but, we just feel and we just know that the next and final time will surely end in the ultimate bottom in addiction, which is death.

No recovery. No step work. No chance that anything will continue after death unless its Heaven or Hell. As for me I’d much rather go to Heaven then Hell. But I’m not one of those Christians who say they can’t wait to go to Heaven. They say they can’t wait to go be with Jesus. Well my friends, I’m not one of them.

Would I go to Heaven if I die before I get finished writing this column? Absolutely! I guarantee it… but, I’ve not lost my entire mind to drugs because I want to live as long as He is willing to let me do so. I know He has more work for me here on earth before my death. Is this arrogance? Not at all! Is this tempting fate? Nope! This is called confidence.

You see I may die before I get this written as I said earlier, but I was kind at least one more time to someone somewhere. I was honest one more time and I have already written something since the start of this column that will help others in someway. Complete confidence is something I have never had before I found Christ. So when I know I am doing His will in life now, then I do it with confidence.

However, no matter how confident I am, no matter how strong my faith is and no matter how much I know that when I cannot continue to walk myself in this addiction, He will carry me. I will still fall flat on my face, if in those times that I cannot walk and allow Him to carry me through, I don’t do my most important part and have complete faith that He will do just that. That is what is called in these twelve step programs letting go and letting God. No matter how much you let go, God isn’t going to do what you can’t if you don’t have faith that He can. Believe that!

Now these twelve step programs are good and they do work, if you do the work. But you cannot do your twelve steps that are recommended when your 12th step is finished, you are no longer an addict allowing you to relax a bit. It’s not that simple. If it were, I would have never failed so many times and I wouldn’t be an addict today.

Step work is like faith work, it’s a continued lifestyle if you are to be successful. Many programs reward you with key tags, a meal, a coin or something to represent a celebration of how long you have been clean or sober.

Those things are all well and good for many, but they really mean nothing in the long run. I have tried keeping count of how long I have been clean, probably done that a dozen times throughout my addiction. But, what I have found with each time I tried this myself, was that every single start date always had an end date to go with it. Just like a career or even a short term job or hobby.

Most things you enjoy in life which has a start date or time, has an end date or time. I definitely do not wish to see an end date this time. And, hey, this is working for me. Because all I can do as it pertains to my own complete recovery is concentrate on today.

I’ve also heard it said, so many times in these twelve step programs and in rehabilitation programs, the saying, fake it till you make it. I really worked on this when I first started the different programs in the past. As an extended time recovering addict, I do understand this philosophy and how it is related to the start of long term recovery. But for the newly recovering addict, just starting a program, they should never hear this. It isn’t good at all. Fake it till you make it! As in keep telling yourself that there is a higher power until you actually believe there’s a higher power.

I still get chills running down my spine when I do walk into a meeting or a program and they have this philosophy. I faked it. I faked it many times and I never really made it even once. Until now, now is the first time in anytime if recovery that I haven’t been faking it at all. Not on day one or today. I know many who thought about this philosophy and have tried to ingrain it into their early recover. And most of who I talk to who do mention this have already failed and are searching for freedom from there bondage of addiction again.

Like me, in early recovery they didn’t grasp what the deeper meaning truly was, because in early recover they are doing wonderful things just being able to focus on self long enough to walk through the doors, looking for help. To me, that’s as close to the meaning, fake your faith in a higher power until you can understand it and actually have faith in Him. In my faith, who am I going to fake it to? Me? God? You can not fake faith, not to the one who matters, whether it is in recovery or in Christianity.

If you decide to recover from addiction then you better give it 100 percent in every area of your recovery and of your life. Because your life my friends is what your recovery is really all about. I cannot say it any better than that.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee