You know, I get a lot of flak from folks telling me that I shouldn’t bust people’s chops. Like when I say you shouldn’t go along and just pet the using addict. Or the active addict is going to take advantage of you in every way they can find. Or when I get on a streak about how addicts in their active addiction will always put feeding their addiction above their own children or their own family. Or the fact that I say you gotta love the addict but, you gotta love yourself enough to stop the sinking ship on your part before you go down with it. These are all true statements.

I experience both sides of addiction and have for some time. I know because I live on both sides. I’m not just a recovering drug addict. I’m also the father of an addict, who by the way is in recovery, as well. While in his recovery I will do all I can to help him find his way. But as I said you gotta love yourself enough not to let the addict take you down with them.

So, if he screws up and decides to give up and stop recovering, then he will be on his own as far as I’m concerned. You see, it’s not that I don’t love him. It’s just that I will then decide it’s time for tough love to kick in. I won’t wait a few days to see if it gets better for him, because by waiting, I will be helping him to slip back into using again.

I’ll cut him completely loose, before I spend one day petting him and giving in to him while hoping this too shall pass, the whole time watching and seeing the very same behavior that one engages in when seeking to feed their addiction. I know from experience, on both sides of it. That sure isn’t the way to go.

If it were me, and I started back into using, the very first thing my loved ones and support network should be doing is cutting me completely loose as well. If folks are petting me or supporting me in anyway at all while I am in active addiction, I would be thinking deep down that these folks don’t really care about me. If they did why would they give me money for food or cigarettes or help me pay a bill while I spent my money on drugs. So I’d sure be thinking then that these folks are not stupid. They gotta know what’s gong on, I’ve put them through it all before.

So I might as well get high now for sure, because if I go back, you best believe it’s going to be all about me and what it takes to feed my demons again. Nothing else is really gonna come in front of that. That’s just the way it is. I didn’t make the rules of addiction up. They are what they are. But I have sure learned a lot from mine and others’ addictions and actions. So please know, I’m not talking out my other end when I’m talking about all these things. I’m talking from the thoughts of a recovering addict who is also the father of two very great sons, whom by the way, one is a recovering addict as well. So I speak with knowledge and much, much experience on both sides.

I hope now more than ever before, those of you who need help in recovering from your addiction get serious about it. I’ve had six acquaintances that have passed on in the last very few months. Theywill not get the chance you have before you right now. If you want help, it’s out there.

Reach out to someone who is dedicated to you recovering. Reach out to a local church, the courts, get counseling, and go to one of the many support groups around. Don’t do these things for a show or a front. You really are wasting your time and the time of others if you are just trying to play the game.

Those folks out there, who are trying to help folks like us, are there because they want to be. And your game playing will only take much needed time away from others who are serious about recovering. Be serious about it, as if your life depends on it, because now, at this moment and more than ever before, it surely does!

Phillip Lee

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee