An Addict's Corner

Posted February 7, 2018 at 9:54 am

You know, I used to wake up sick every morning if I didn’t have the drugs I felt I needed. I used to spend hours in a bathroom while my body detoxed, until I could come up with a way to get the drugs my body and mind needed. I used to lie to anyone and everyone if I thought it would help get me close to those drugs. I used to spend every dollar I could get a hold of on those drugs. I used to not have any real friends in life who I thought understood me. I felt alone, even in a crowded room. I felt hated, unwanted and worthless.

To this very day, I can not think of one good or even slightly positive thing that came from my drug use and abuse except for that temporary comfort of the next pill or the temporary feeling of not being sick. Other than that, there was nothing good from moment to moment wheather short or long lived. It’s not been an easy road to travel to get to this side of my addiction, but it’s so worth anything and everything I went through to get here.

I still must deal with idiots who try and tear me down just like they did when I was using. And that includes some folks who are currently using claiming to others that they know for a fact that I still get high, or that I’m just trying to win folks over or impress them.

Here’s the thing. I made so many enemies when I was using that I consider it a privilege to not be willingly associating with current users, in any fashion, other than to help them find what I now have. If they truly want help and they are actually willing to listen.

This all makes it so much easier to not use myself in times of temptations. And many of the locals who don’t use or pretend they don’t use but who have appearances to maintain and so they instinctively have some enormous delusion that they are better than me because of who I was or what I used to be about. These kinds of folks who, I am so glad I’m nothing like, are the folks that I’m trying to impress?

Hahahahaha. Not even for a second! Believe that!

Now, in saying that, I’ve met some great folks on this side; and I sure hope I don’t let them down like I have everyone else in my life before, including myself. I sure hope I don’t let down the addicts who are counting on me for help in their own situations. But impress? I’m only here today because of Christ and His grace. And yes, He has worked through many other people to reach me and get me to this point. Am I thankful? You bet I am! I’m thankful to the ones He worked through to get me to this point in my life. And I am so thankful to Christ himself.

So, I really hope more than anything, that I don’t let Him down. That’s one of the greatest feelings ever in life that I don’t have to try and impress anyone, anywhere, anytime. I just need to be me, the person Christ created me to be. And do the work in this life that He has blessed me to still be alive to do.

My mission in life is to help those who want help to find a better way of life. It’s doing all I can to better the communities around me or anywhere, else. So, to those out there who love trying to tear someone down, enjoy wasting your time. It really does make you look stupid, ignorant, and nasty. And believe it or not, folks see you; and while they may not say it to your face, they do think it.

But I’m not them. I say, “My name is Phillip Lee. I am a recovering DRUG addict. And if the shoe fits then wear it.” I’m sitting here now telling you that if you are one of those many people who enjoy tearing others down, then you are an idiot; and I don’t care what your self-diluted rank in the social chain is. Why don’t you try lifting folks up? But if you’re stuck on ignorant, you can’t do it. I understand. What’s worse is that it’s something that most who are like that won’t even try.

You can love me or hate me, you can say whatever you desire about me, you can call me this or that; but the truth is, I will keep pushing forward in God’s will for my life.

I will keep reaching out trying to help any of you that want it, regardless of your likes or dislikes for me. I’m just fine with who I am today. But think about this, there are those who are trying to tear your loved ones down in their battles with addiction as well.

So, here’s a bit of truth for you, about recovering addicts or addicts who desire to recover. We already have the deck stacked against us. Most nationwide studies have shown that if we can recover at all, up to 90percent will relapse, depending on the drugs addicted to. Some studies have shown that most opiate or amphetamine addicts will relapse at up to a 60percent rate.

So that means if you are blessed, fortunate, and lucky enough to recover at all…then only about 10 to 40percent will not relapse. That’s extremely low chances that we are gonna make a lifetime recovery happen at all.

Might help increase the odds in our favor a little bit if you guys would, especially, try to lift all newly recovering addicts up in any and every way you can.

Now to those I really do care about helping…if you want to discover a path that will lead you to freedom and calm in your addiction, then please, contact me. I’ll tell you what’s working for me.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee