An Addict's Corner …

Posted August 22, 2018 at 8:29 am

It’s been a while since I last wrote this column. In fact it’s been more than five months, and to say I’m no longer an addict would be the understatement of a lifetime. In fact, if I lose sight of this one fact; it will very likely cost me, my life, itself. Even after all this time, I still struggle with my addiction.

You folks don’t have any clue of just how much I would love to take a Xanax or a Methadone, or both, right now. It’s just four in the morning and that is the thought in my mind after almost two years of trying to recover from this disease. Guess that’s where the word disease comes from. “Dis-ease. When you hear the phrase, “the struggle is real” you can believe it when it comes to addiction.

I wanted to pick back up writing sooner than now, but I wanted to be sure I could still be honest and write at the same time after my latest injury. You see, in March of this year I had an accident that brought me close to losing my foot. I cut it with an electric skill saw, across my ankle cutting bone, tendons and severing nerves.

Then I was brushed off, being told it was just a scratch or (superficial) cut by those I was rushed to for treatment. This poor lack of judgment and treatment caused a severe bone infection, which I had to be treated for for months. So I was in severe pain for a long time.

To those who care for the injured or who are in the field of helping and treating others, it would be much appreciated if you would treat us drug addicts as human beings, going forward.

I was treated as though I intentionally cut my ankle in order to get drugs. It was very poorly sealed shut, causing me to seek treatment elsewhere the very same day, due to the excruciating pain and the fact that the four inch cut had to be completely resealed again. Even though my most intense thought at that moment was, {please God don’t allow this to cause me to get back on the drugs I am addicted to}. I kept saying that over and over and over in silent prayer.

I tell you all this to express a bit of what I had to endure over the last few months. Did I do it drug free? No. Could I have done it without taking some pain medication? Heck no, even with the mild pain medication my doctors thought was best for me, the pain was the worse I ever endured. So, if nothing else, I’m very proud of the fact that I didn’t fall back into taking the drugs that in my mind my addiction really desperately wanted in those months.

Drug addiction and self destructive behavior go hand in hand. I know that my self destructive thinking was a little screwed up in the last few months as well.

While I was going through all that I got to thinking I wasn’t any help to anyone anyway. Or I would think that what I’ve been doing doesn’t make a difference in the improvement of the lives of others. So I kinda just let it ride as just a passing thing and the writing was over. I mean, I wrote almost every week, for nearly a year. I even wrote a book about my journey. So my screwed up thinking was urging me to just let it go.

However, in returning to this column and moving forward, I will still try and help those who will listen to my thoughts. Because in this journey I’ve discovered that as long as you’re able to do so, if you can’t at least try and improve the lives of those around you, there’s really no point in living.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee