If you follow me on Facebook or if you see me out here in the real world. You know I go on with craziness quite often. Lol. But that’s just part of who I am. I love seeing people laugh. And if I can be the one to put a smile on someone’s face then that’s just an added little extra. Sometimes sarcasm is apart of who I am. But at the end of the day all that is really nothing, compared to who I really am.

Deep down it breaks my heart to see folks out here struggling and trying to cope with the real world by using drugs. I see some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever laid eyes on gradually destroy themselves, both mind and body.

Often I’ll see something and I can’t help but laugh a little bit. Maybe even a lot. But it’s because of so much of what I do see I can relate to completely. Most recovering addicts have a real and almost twisted sense of humor.

Once I was there. I’m by no means out of the woods with my addiction. I don’t believe there is some magical cure out there for me. I’m no fool. But there is treatment and learned behaviors that have helped me so much it’s remarkable. Not to mention my firm belief in Christ as my warrior in battle and my personal savior. For I know that without him, I would have nothing. No sanity! No peace! No freedom! No life!

In reality however, my heart breaks when I see someone suffering. Because I’ve been there. I know that often they can’t see what they are doing to themselves. They can’t see or even fathom what they are doing to their loved ones; their mothers and fathers, their sons and daughters and to the community as a whole. In fact, I dare to say, if you could physically slap them in the face while they are currently feeding their addiction, with all they have become and all they have done to those who love them, they still couldn’t see it.

They don’t just choose not to see it or ignore it. It’s that they just physically can not see.

Now, I saw a girl in one of the local retail stores one day. This girl was so “methed” up that, to those who know the signs, you couldn’t help but know what she was on. She was standing there rocking back and forth in the isles, eating peanuts, with no teeth at all. She looked like she hadn’t bathed in a month and you could just see by the way she was acting that she actually thought she was well put together, physically.

Now, I see this and my first reaction is to giggle a little bit. I tried not to. Had I never been in her shoes, in life I probably wouldn’t have. (No I hope I was never munching on peanuts with no teeth in the local dollar market). But I could identify completely with her. But then I leave the store and as I’m walking to my car, I started crying. No, I didn’t flood the parking lot with tears but I did cry. I couldn’t help that reaction either. I was overwhelmed by the sadness of seeing her like that and knowing I couldn’t instantly just take it all from her and carry it myself. I wanted to go back and say, come with me, I will help you. I wanted to offer to help her get into treatment, get into anything really. And I mean anything would be better than suffering like that. It is no life. I’d take it from you all if I could, because I know what it’s like and I know what this side of addiction is like. And there’s so much on this side that I wish I could show you guys and girls. But here’s the thing. I could have went back and offered to help in some way, but if she wasn’t ready then, there is nothing that I nor anyone can do.

I hope and pray that all who are suffering in addiction find comfort and healing. If you need help, contact me. I’ll do all in my power to help you.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee