An Addict's Corner …

Posted October 3, 2018 at 2:17 pm

I know I’m screwed up in the head. I understand my thinking and actions aren’t normal, compared to everyone else. But hey, I’m straight. Not high. Don’t wanna be high. Sure don’t wanna go backwards. Done been there, too many times. It’s going on two years of my life and I still crave all my drugs of choice from time to time. But its so much easier to just let it’s go as a passing thing now. Thank GOD!

God has saved my life in more ways than I could put in this column. I know that for certain. It feels good to hold my head up now. It feels good to get to this level in life. It feels good to know that now, I don’t ever have to go down that miserable road again. Yet, I also know I could fall, even before this writing is finished.

Am I cured? Nope, not at all, I’m still addicted. Still struggling in day to day life and its situations. Still stuck with my finger on the trigger, so to speak, knowing I have to keep a steady hand and a strong mind to keep what I’ve gained. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Pull the trigger again and it will all go up in gloriously expansive flames. So, still today, I work what Is called the 12 steps of recovery.

I’ve twisted the words and phrases in these steps to personally fit me. To address the specific person I am. So, over the next 12 weeks, I’ve decided to address what I’m calling; “The 12 steps to recovery, redemption and peace.” I’ll address them in a way that will hopefully help you deal with everything that you may be going through in life that brings or keeps you down in any type of personal struggle. Whether your struggle is about drugs, or self shaming, eating or any other fight from within. Hopefully it will help the person you are and get rid of the demons that are holding you back. Whether it’s a known or a private and secret issue you may be dealing with.

So if you read my column in the newspapers over the next 12 weeks, I hope you will gain understanding from my perspective of the twelve steps. I will address one step each week. Many think you can address them as simply as just reading them or by going through them as fast as possible. But if you want real results, let’s do them one week at a time.

This week is step one. Now this is not worded exactly like the official 12 step programs. The way those steps were worded wasn’t working for me. Until I got personal and until I personalized them all to specifically fit me, I just couldn’t get them.

Step # 1 . In secret or in public, scream it aloud or simply whisper it privately to yourself, and admit you are powerless over whatever is controlling or consuming your thoughts, actions and life. Now, don’t stop and be done with it right there.. Take a week to really get into and accept this fact. Keep telling yourself this often.

Next week I will address step two. Remember practice step one. Completely realize and admit to yourself that you have done everything you can do, yet your issue is still there. Realize that you have your finger on the trigger and you are powerless over the outcome of whether you actually pull the trigger or not.

God bless

.An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee