Step 3, is to me as important as step one. Before step three we have already determined that our addiction has became unmanageable. We have already decided that its going to take a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity.

Now I know step two was a hard one. I saw a lady in the store yesterday who thinks, acts, and puts on a show like there is no higher power than herself. She has for years. She acted that way when she was my teacher in school many, many years ago, and nothings, changed. And thing is, is that her family has issues like yours and mine.

Lots of us have this problem from time to time. Its extremely hard to admit we are powerless over things in life as it suggest it step one. Let alone admit its gonna take a power greater than ourselves to restore us to any kind of normalcy.

These steps aren’t easy and they aren’t gonna change you or anyone if you just read them and ignore them as falsehoods or myths. These steps really do work whether it be about a drug addiction or just freeing your mind from the clutter that should have been gone years ago.

Anyway, step three is we make a sincere decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” In step three, you are making a decision: it’s that simple.

Now here’s the thing. You gotta be sincere in these steps. Every single one of them. I remember I was starting out doing the step work of a 12 step program. And I was only doing it to satisfy the group of people I chose to attach myself to. Well that and I was court ordered. Hahaha.

I laugh at the court ordered thing because its actually hilarious to a true recovering addict. Not because the courts are fun, funny or even relaxing in anyway. Its funny because no court, no family, no child, no loss, no judge, no prison, no anything can change the fact that you have a drug issue within your own body and mind. And nothing will change that fact unless you, yourself want to work on it. Unless you, yourself want to change.

Several years ago, I got caught selling 3 Percocets. After all the circus was over and it was time to get down to business. The late and great, honorable Eddie C. Lovelace called my name, I was there in court that day for final sentencing.

The judge was a good man. I had known him for years. Every time I saw him out he would mention my father, or just generally be friendly. As I did consider him a friend, myself. Anyway, I approached the bench. And he read off the things I had done, the request of the commonwealth and all that. Then he stopped looked straight at me and publicly said Me. Lee? I consider you a friend, so this is not easy for me. I’m a little sarcastic at times, so of course my first private thought was, this ain’t easy for me either. But I wasn’t gonna say it out loud. Haha. He continue by asking me if I had anything to say before he finally sentence me.

I told him I was sorry, and I meant it. I really was. I told him I hated the fact that I have allowed drugs to take control over everything in my life. I could see in his eyes that he knew I was sincere. I told him, your honor, I don’t remember any of this even happening. But either way, I do apologize.

Judge Lovelace, began his speech, every word, he sure meant. He said Mr. Lee I hope one day soon you decide to change, I’m gonna sentence you to 5 years in state prison, maybe that will give you a little time to remember.

Regardless of how tough he acted or was, regardless of what folks in my line of life always said about him, I believe it honestly bothered him to have to resort to sending someone to prison because of a drug addiction. But you gotta do something, you can’t let them run around like a nut all the time, endangering the community.

That’s been over eight or nine Years ago I think. And two things have been the same for me since, until I decided that I give up, and truly turn my life and my will over to God.

1. That five year sentence didn’t change a thing. I was still am addicted in prison, in jail and once I got out.

And 2, I still didn’t remember selling that girl those three Percocets.

Now things are so different and so peaceful and calm. Even more so than I could have ever dreamed. Now, I still, honest to God have no memory of selling that girl those pills. But it was me on the CD. So I know I did it. I was so messed up its crazy. I often still wonder what the jury thought when they were listening to the recording and heard the girl ask me to sell her three Percocets and I slurred out the words; I don’t wanna sell them I wanna trade them for Xanax. Hahahaha. Had to be hilarious.

Please for the love of yourself. Follow these steps in your life, no matter the issue. You will come out a better person. Remember, all your doing at this moment in step 3 is making a conscience decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God….hope you all have the best week possible. God bless all of you.

An addict, a child of God, a Christian,

Phillip Lee